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"Trash Bandits" is too good a name to ignore, and a slick enough platformer that I pretty much have to recommend it, even though I'm pretty bad at it...

Except! I'm always just a little bit better at it than I think. Or I get better, and want to keep playing enough to try things a few more times until I get it right. That's pretty rare for me, when there are hundreds of other games a quick alt+F4 away.

There you are, rambling through the woods of Interactive Entertainment with an empty pack and a spring in your step. Here I am, lying in wait behind a tree. Wham! Bam! You reel back in consternation as I bounce into the path and clobber you with a sack containing no less than eight venerable RPGs, from Baldur's Gate to Warhammer 40,000: Rogue's Trader - well over a thousand hours worth of dungeons, dragons, dicerolls, dwarven shopkeepers and many other things I refuse to spend time alliterating, all of which will (currently) set you back just £32.07.

Were you planning to spend this weekend playing some cute two-hour artgame sideshow, without any levelling at all? Shut up, you DOLT. You will play what the nice journalist tells you to play! Best lay in extra caffeine tablets, because it's going to take you till Monday just to get through the character creators alone.

In one of his routinely excellent newsletters a good while back, Nathan Brown quoted RPS’s own blame-eater Graham Smith saying the following: "People say they want good AI in shooters, but they don’t. If FPS AI was perfect then it would be just like playing online against the people at the top of the leaderboard. It would be awful. When people say they want good AI, what they mean is they want to fight enemies that make them feel smart when they beat them."

Well, I’ve never seen the top of an FPS leaderboard, Graham, so I’m just going to stick with the opinion that The Last Of Us Part 2’s AI is very good. Oh, alright. Apparently my job is "contingent on caring about what words mean." Fine. What I actually mean is that TLOU 2’s AI has been doing a great job of making me feel deeply unsafe at pretty much all times. The fact that only a really smart cookie like me can deal with that level of pressure is irrelevant. I’ve been playing it over the last week or so, partly to knock it off the pile, and partly to chip away at the mount of karmic debt I hold with the spunked cost pantheon for buying a PS5 solely to play two Final Fantasy games.

Black Myth: Wukong is an action RPG that leans a bit into the Souls camp and a bit into the adventure camp. And either way, it's a spectacular journey that works for mostly everyone: those after challenging fights against Chinese mythological creatures, and those after the same thing, but with a little less challenge than your typical Soulslikes. What separates Black Myth from the crowd, though, is its slick presentation and a sense of generosity. You're to witness the most lavish, cinematic worlds and its creatures. And you're to enjoy battering everything with your staff as a highly athletic monkey with copious spells at his furry follicles and fingertips. It's been a while since I've played anything quite as impressive as this.

Unlike Ed, I wasn’t deemed important or youthfully handsome enough to get Black Myth: Wukong review code, leaving my only hopes of conducting some hardwarey performance investigation with the recently released benchmarking tool. The one that, by the admission of developers Game Science themselves, "may not fully represent the actual gaming experience and final performance at the time of the game's release". Monkey nuts.

Crytek's sweaty and superlative survival boss-rush shooter Hunt: Showdown has been relaunched as Hunt: Showdown 1896, introducing a comprehensive technological update alongside a chronological leap forward to a new map in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. As is tradition for big 2.0-style updates, some players absolutely loathe it, with recent Steam user reviews dragging the consensus underwater.

Any gags I could make about an update that lets Total War: Warhammer 3’s dawi play tall are far too obvious for the discerning comedic palette that brought you such bangers as that time I just wrote “(penis)” a bunch so the Overkill’s Walking Dead page wouldn’t quote me out of context, so let’s just dive right in to the details. The strategy game’s 5.2 update is on the horizon, and tagging along with it are the first of the “extra bits” the team teased in June. I’m very excited about them. They sit somewhere between the usual patch fare of stat tweaks and errata, and the weightier faction facelifts that come alongside paid DLC. They’re also focused right where Immortal Empires needs them the most: depth, rather than width. In the dawi’s case, quite literally.

The mountain biking of Lonely Mountains: Downhill was sometimes a relaxing ride down gentle slopes, and at other times a hairy hurtle down declivitous cliffs. Alongside the likes of the Descenders and Riders Republic, it offered a more laid-back game, open to furious time trialling but always remembering to let you stop and appreciate the view. Both the stakes and the poly count were low. Happy news then, that it is getting a snowy sequel. In Lonely Mountains: Snow Riders you'll be swapping your bike for a pair of skis, and you'll be able to barrel down the mountainside with friends in co-op.

For years, our PC storage has wobbled and buckled beneath the tyranny of gigantic Call Of Duty installs. Like 13th century peasants straining to convey huge, teetering loads of freshly quarried LMGs, our SSDs cry out for justice. Perhaps scenting imminent rebellion and a mass audience desertion to low-poly shooters with more civilised file sizes, Activision have relented. Future installations of the much-padded FPS will be "smaller and more customised", though in a last cruel stroke of villainy, they want you to download a large update to prepare the ground.

Life sim contender Inzoi is hoping to knock The Sims from its perch when it launches (supposedly) later this year. There will soon be an opportunity to judge whether that feat is likely. Krafton have announced that they're releasing a time-limited trial of Inzoi's character creator next week on August 20th.

I am forever looking for a game to replace Transport Tycoon (or OpenTTD) in my affections. I know there are several railway management sims kicking around Steam, but I haven't found the one that does it for me yet. Could it be Railroad Corporation 2? It's a train tycoon game in which you lay tracks through the early 20th century, and it's launching in Early Access on September 9th.

The Plucky Squire stars a 2D sword-slashing protagonist so plucky he busts out of his storybook confines and into the fully 3D world of a kid's bedroom. You'll then spend your time hopping between these various planes on a grand, cartoon adventure.

It now has a release date: September 17th.

The management game progression chart is supposed to go: zoo, then theme park, then hospital, then school. Apparently no one told Springloaded Software, who are following up their 2021 tycoon 'em up Let's Build A Zoo with a game about building an MMO.

Let's Build A Dungeon marries the business aspects of Game Dev Tycoon with a more hands-on approach to constructing your company's game, and there's a first trailer below.

Space 4X strategy game Stellaris launched in 2016, but Paradox can't stop adding to the universe. Last time I checked in, it was school trips to other dimensions. Now, it's Cosmic Storms. Due for release alongside the Stellaris 3.13 Vela update on September 10th, these are a paid "mechanical expansion" (priced at a rather chunky £11, $13 or €13, and available as part of the current season pass) that builds upon the game's existing Space Storms, "providing a deeper experience with strategically meaningful gameplay and beautiful upgraded visuals". Wash that down with new civics, precursor narratives, anomalies, archaeology sites, techs, edicts, a new Ascension perk, and new galactic community resolutions.

If you relished the splashier gunfights of Cyberpunk 2077, like the sound of Doom meets Blade Runner, or wish you could jam your nose right into the neon trenches of Ruiner, you will likely enjoy the announcement trailer for Defect. It's a new "cyberpunk, squad-based, Immersive Objective Shooter" from emptyvessel, a team of erstwhile id Software, Call Of Duty and Naughty Dog folks.

Tiny Glade is a relaxing, wholly escapist building sim where you can kick back and summon villages, cottages and castles whilst listening to whimsical tunes without the worry of combat or busywork. This cosy game has received a lot of attention, becoming the fourth most-played demo during Steam Next Fest and earning a place within our own list of favourite demos. It now has a release date - 23rd September 2024.

In the grim heatwave of the midsummer, everyone you know would love to come hunch over a table and roll dice for six hours, actually, but they’ve got that thing on. You remember that thing, right? Plus, no-one’s got a big enough table. Or the new errata. Also, Trevor’s been banging on about lady Custodes for five months straight and nobody wants to be around him right now. Thank the Omni-trevor, then, for the three-player co-op of Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2. “Warhammer with the boys?” said Horace as he stretchily dished out preview keys from an entirely different postcode. James, Edwin and Nic were initially all booked-up for the week, but Horace repeated himself, making it absolutely clear that it wasn’t a question.

I was all set to plunge into Blackbird and Gearbox's Homeworld 3 this spring when I received a slightly underwhelmed intergalactic transmission from Nic, praising the game's atmosphere and story while ruminating over fussy controls and a want of tactical depth. Like a herd of frigates scenting a pride of destroyers lurking behind a nearby asteroid, I rerouted hastily and took up a holding position approximately one astronomical unit from the Buy button, hoping that the developers might iron out a few of the wrinkles.

Earlier this week there was some minor Discourse about the removal of the Erotica photography tag from the Dead Rising remaster. Some readers characterised this as a familiar species of cultural hypocrisy regarding video games - emphasising violence is A-OK, but for the love of god, don't mention sex. Good news, those people: Dread XP's latest horror signing The Lacerator has both. It casts you as hirsute 1980s porn star Max - surname not given in press release, but presumably something like Jackin' or Girth - who has been abducted by a large scary individual called the Lacerator.

Over 2000 hours spent in various factory games makes me a bit of a purist, I suppose. In theory, I should then be the ideal reviewer to enjoy Shapez 2. But I'm also the ideal reviewer to tear it apart over the most minor hiccups and defects. I'm the Anton Ego of factory games. I don't like food, I love it. If I don't love it, I don't swallow.

Ah, you needn't worry. This is by far the most fun I've had reviewing a game, and Shapez 2 has, in my mind at least, turned the holy trinity of factory games (Factorio, Satisfactory, Dyson Sphere Program) into a holy quartet. Its pared back, everything-is-free-forever approach is quite liberating, and I've never had so much fun placing conveyor belts in my life. But 40 hours into my save file, I've often found myself yearning for a bit more creativity in the challenges, a few more curveballs sent in my direction.

It’s an oddly Halloweeny summer week for games, this one. Dragon Age: The Veilguard’s October 31st release date leaked earlier, Steam have put together a Summer Fright Night bundle featuring RPS fave Hauntii, and I’ve got a strange urge to gorge on Haribo and mini Double Deckers until blood comes out of my eyeballs. What a perfect time, then, to dive into the alpha demo for vampire management game Blood Bar Tycoon, especially since Two Point seem to be resting on their laurels a bit too comfortably for my liking.

The idea here is you build a swanky bar serving claret cosmopolitans, ichor-ish coffees and uh, viscera vampiros to your undead clientele. But (with the sorta exception of the crimson-sapped Dracaena cinnabari) blood doesn’t grow on trees, so you’ll also be moonlighting as a human-nabber. You’ll research a slew of “whacky contraptions” to extract their blood, which I greatly enjoy, because “zany exsanguination” is a real winner of a feature. You can’t frivolously phlebotomise with impunity, however - you’ll also want to be on the lookout for vampire hunters aka the fun police.

Put your mortar and pestle down, my herb-smooshing friend. The peasant-quelling RPG antics of Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 won't be releasing this year after all, say developers Warhorse in a video message to fans. "We aimed for the end of the year, and almost made it," said PR man Tobi Stolz-Zwilling. "Almost is not good enough though, so unfortunately we slipped to 2025." Never mind, it's easy to slip in the medieval era. There was mud everywhere.

The release date for Dragon Age: The Veilguard has been revealed in a last-minute leak thanks to a naughty video advertisement. Electronic Arts had planned to share the game's debut-day in about... *checks watchless wrist* ... 7 hours, as part of a special release date trailer. But the internet will ever internet, and thanks to some slip-up or other, we have the knowledge just a smidge early. Will I tell you what the actual release date is? Sure. I guess so.

Steam’s seeing a good few sweeping changes of late. They’ve recently added a ‘Trending Free’ tab to separate the no money down and no, money down playables. And, as of September, they’re cracking down on links to other websites in store pages. Now, horror of horrors, they’re coming for your ascii gigachads and “nobody is going to read this review so I’ll just say I’m gay” bangers. The changes are part of their ‘New Helpfulness System’, outlined here.

The new system, which will be enabled by default but can be toggled off, aims to “help potential players make informed decisions about the games they are considering purchasing by understanding the attributes of the game that other players like or don't like.” Ah, so a sort of ‘review’, if you will. I like it!

The Bullfroggy connected universe that is Two Point County continues to expand with the announcement of Two Point Museum, another irreverent management sim from developers Two Point Studios. This one’s about museums, would you believe, with exhibition themes including the world of prehistory. Find a trailer propped below this paragraph like a freshly brushed-down Tugowaurus skeleton.

Vroom vroom. That is the sound of 11 rivals revving their engines as they blink the sweat out of their eyes and exhale years of self-doubt from their lungs. Today is their day. We have lined up these racing games on a starting grid and are interested to see how things shake out. Will the realism-obsessed driving sims take the lead with their sublime physics engines? Might the futuristic combat racers simply destroy the opposition with explosive rockets? Or perhaps a nippy arcade crowd-pleaser will soar to the finish line, propelled by the sound of roaring cheers. It's all to play for here at our incredibly messed-up grand prix with a worrying lack of rules or regulation. Start your engines, everyone, these are the 11 best racing games on PC. 3! 2! 1! ...

The next advance in video game graphics technology is not ray-tracing or tray-racing or any variation thereof - it's janky stop motion and rubbish plastic dolls, and it actually began about 30 years ago, when I watched the Adam and Joe show for the first time. If you never watched the Adam and Joe show, they used to do home movie recreations of famous films like Titanic and Saving Private Ryan using stuffed animals and action figures. I found these "Toymovies" hysterical as a kid - I suspect they are less so now. Probably, they are full of jokes we might tentatively class as "of their time". The point is, Reptilian Rising is sort of Toymovie: The Game.

The Crimson Diamond is a proper old-school style puzzle adventure. It's 2D pixel art, with a limited colour palette as in EGA games, and you control it with a text parser, like King's Quest or one of them other Sierra adventures old men like Graham remember. It's important to mention this up front because it's very possible that, despite The Crimson Diamond's tale of betrayal, murder, and mineral rights in 1914 Canada, the text parser element will be a Rubicon you instantly can't be arsed to cross. A not unreasonable stance - though I think the text parser in The Crimson Diamond is fantastic. Such beef that I have with this adventure game is down to the specificity required to solve some of the puzzles.

KIBORG: Arena feels like a throwback in several ways that I quite enjoy. It’s a free prologue to the upcoming cyberpunk puncher KIBORG. The titular arena is a large room in which you, a large man, bash a large amount of enemies. You have to punch a gong between waves to trigger the next, and this struck me as a nice pre-emptive nudge that every problem you face in Kiborg can be solved by rapidly moving your fist towards offending objects, which turned out not to be too far off the mark.

Satirical space RPG sequel The Outer Worlds 2 was announced back in 2021. Since then, we've heard nary a peep about it, with developers Obsidian focusing on Pillars Of Eternity successor Avowed and their ace survival game Grounded, which left early access in September 2022. According to Obsidian's studio head Feargus Urquhart, the project is rubbing along nicely. But it was not ever thus: during the opening years of the Covid pandemic, there was apparently "talk of 'do we stop Outer Worlds 2 and just throw the whole team on Avowed'."